Tag Archives: makeup

Face Off

A One-Week Day Challenge with Nerium AD

When JoBeth Martin contacted me to try out Nerium AD Day and Night Cream, I had a couple reservations. First, I’m currently using a kickass night cream, Korres Wild Rose + Vitamin C Advanced Brightening Sleeping Facial. Second, I’ve never heard of the product before. So, I researched.

NeriumAD contains NEA-8 extract, which is derived for a plant called Nerium oleander. If you Google “Nerium oleander” you will find out from Wikipedia that it is an evergreen shrub that is poisonous. Is this what makes the “Nerium Difference?” A poisonous plant?

I read some more articles that both praised Nerium as a miracle cream and demonized the cream for having a toxic extract that supposedly can’t be absorbed through the skin. I have to say that the whole thing sounds pretty weird to me. Most of the other ingredients listed on their Day and Night cream are pretty typical.

After reading more articles and blogs while anxiously eating Starbusts, I started to get concerned about trying it on my face. In fact, I even found a TMZ story claiming that Ray Liotta filed a lawsuit against Nerium International for supposedly touting “before and after” pics of him using the product. The whole story around the product just gets weirder. To be fair to Nerium, most of the anti-Nerium rants where on janky Independent media websites and blogs. Also, the only established news source to report on the brand is a St. Augustine News site that reported on the company’s proposed one million dollar donation to the Big Brother/Big Sisters charity.

All this being said, am I really willing to slather on some toxic for fewer wrinkles?

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Breaking Bad⎯When Your Makeup is Beyond Redemption

Your makeup may be breaking bad, but not like in a psychotic antihero seeking revenge in New Mexico kind of a way. Makeup is a concoction of chemicals that have expiration dates, especially if they have natural ingredients or are water based. In the spirit of the last episode of Breaking Bad, I’ve cooked up a list that will help you know when the show has ended on your makeup.

 

Mascara

Lifespan: 2 to 3 months

Ways to kill your makeup: Never wet your wand with saliva. If your peepers turn red and glassy looking like Badger and Skinny Pete’s, it’s time to change your mascara. 

How do you know it has gone bad?: When it clumps or leaves you with a severe eye infection

 

Foundation

Lifespan: 6 to 12 months

Ways to kill your makeup: Keep your water-based foundation in a moist environment. Bacteria love moisture almost as much as the cartel like selling meth, so the more humid the environment the better the chances are that your foundation will spoil and become beyond redemption…

How do you know it has gone bad?: Any change of color is a good sign that it’s time to leave it behind like a bad habit.

 

Concealer

Lifespan: 2 years for powder and 1 year for liquid

Ways to kill your makeup: Leave the cap off

How do you know it has gone bad?: If your concealer starts to separate like Jesse and Walter, it’s time to throw it out. You’ll know when you see the colors shift.

 

Face Powder

Lifespan: The experts say two years, but I would throw mine out in a year.

Ways to kill your makeup: Use it when you have a major breakout, so you can transfer bacteria to the powder. Not even Saul could help you if you taint your makeup with bacteria.

How do you know it has gone bad?: When there is a dull grey film on the surface, throw it out.

 

Eye Shadow

Lifespan: 3 months!!!!

Ways to kill your makeup:  Use dirty or wet fingers to apply the shadow on your eyes.

How do you know it has gone bad? Color changes or weird smells. If your makeup starts smelling like a burning tire, you could have other problems.

 

Eyeliner

Lifespan: 3 months

Ways to kill your makeup:  Let other people use your eyeliner or use it when your eyes are irritated.

How do you know its gone bad?: Look for a white residue or check to see if it has a smell.  Actually, this tip could be applied to a couple of other things but if you don’t want to see you makeup break bad then make sure you always keep it in a cool dry place and away from dangerous situations such as moist bathrooms, infected eyes and meth labs in New Mexico. 

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Fan Mail from My Makeup Brushes

Dear Faith,

Thanks for using Bobbi Brown’s Kohl Cake Liner. I absolutely LOVE how it goes on along your upper and lower eyelids to create smoky eyes. It’s also freaking awesome how you sometimes apply a small amount of water to my bristles before using the liner. The look is totes dramatic.

Love, Your Smudge Brush

Dear Smudgy,

Thank you for the letter. I promise to be extra careful to avoid pulling your bristles when I wash you with anti-bacterial soap and let you air dry. I will also promise not to let my cat into the bathroom again. That last incident must have been traumatic for you.

Hello,

Why do you use me for small jobs like defining the outer lid of your eyes and not the crease?

Feeling Misunderstood, Small Blending Brush

Dear Small Blending Brush,

You are perfect for creating an illusion of depth by defining the outer v of my eyes. Though I do love how your big brother, Medium Blending Brush, is able to use his densely packed fibers to blend eye shadow across my lid, you cannot be replaced.

To whom this may concern,

Why do we have to get baths every week?

Hating My Bath Time, Foundation Brush

Dear Foundation Brush,

Your bristles are like a free two bedroom apartment in the middle of San Francisco for bacteria. In fact, the damp conditions of the bathroom make their living environment even more pleasant. It would be one thing if the bacteria remained on your bristles. Unfortunately, bacteria can spread to the foundation and skin. Yuck! Every makeup brush needs to be cleaned at least ONCE a week. I try not to get any water on your ferrule (the part that holds the brush to the fibers) or your handle to prevent damaging you. Sorry it’s a drag, but it’s for our best interests.

Hey Lady,

What the heck? I haven’t seen you in months. Why haven’t you come around? Do you think you’re too good for me?

Mad and Angry, Spooly Brush

Dear Spooly,

Of course, I don’t think I’m too good to use you for my eyelashes and brows. To tell you the truth, I’ve been seeing another brush. Benefit’s Speed Gel is just really convenient for me to use. This quickset eyebrow gel is a great tint for my brows and holds them in place all day. Sorry things had to work out like this. I promise to think of you fondly sometimes.

Hey! Do you like this blog? Check out my bio on Allure’s Beauty Blogger of the Year Challenge. Vote for me, so that I may dominate the beauty world or at least get the title of Beauty Blogger of the Year.

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Slinging Some Beauty Advice for Allure

Allure Magazine has decided to hitch their tiny publication’s wagon to my big time star (just joking). Today, they announced my involvement in their Beauty Blogger of the Year Challenge. Yay! I’m really excited, because Allure is a standup magazine. They were one of the first publications to report the heath risks of breast implants and expose drug abuse in the modeling industry. Allure is also one of the few magazines that you can put down and not vow to lose ten pounds.

I Will Wrestle a Tiger for the Challenge

Ok, so that’s not true. In the next five weeks, I’ll be involved in some challenges that compromise my ability to look presentable to my adoring fans (I’m talking about my cats). Each week a new challenge will be featured on the Allure website: http://blogger-awards.allure.com/contestant/faith-mcgee/  The blogger with the least amount of votes gets kicked off the beauty island and has all their makeup brushes stripped from them.

Come and Get It

While I can’t give you any details about the challenges, I can tell you to buckle your seatbelts for Michael Jackson impersonators, beauty tips from a fabulous drag queen and some non-celebrity performances! Feel free to tell everyone you’ve ever met about it and to vote for me. Actually, vote for the best beauty blogger in the challenge. I’d love to go to New York and win the title of “Best Beauty Blogger,” but the best blogger should be the one who wins and not the one with the most “fans.” Check out my blog frequently, because I will be serving piping hot beauty advice.

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Dolly Parton is the MacGuyver of the Beauty World

“It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.” – Dolly Parton

Other than being the best country singer and songwriter in the biz, Dolly Parton is a total MacGuyver when it comes to incorporating poisonous everyday items into her beauty routine as documented in her memoir, Dream More. Her ability to improvise while stuck in the sticks with a matchbook, some berries and honeysuckle is inspiration/dangerous.

Matchstick Eyeliner

In one episode, MacGuyver uses a machine gun with a cord, a stick and some matches to fire a firearm remotely. Dolly Parton, on the other hand, creates a sexy smoky eyes look with the help of a match. The basic premise of this trick involves lighting the match and dunking it in water. When it dries, you can use the end to spread phosphorus and wood splinters underneath you eye. How does it compare with Laura Mercer’s Caviar Eye Liner and Eye Liner Brush? Not so great. If you don’t mind using a multivalent nonmetal chemical element of the nitrogen group right next to your eyeball it works great!

Red Pokeberries Lipstick

Indigenous Americans used red pokeberries to treat itching, certain types of cancers, rheumatism and syphilis. Dolly Parton used red pokeberry juice as a lipstick when growing up in Tennessee. Up front, I’ll mention that these berries are poisonous to mammals if they are not cooked properly.  Generally, the berries are boiled down and used for pies or to poison husbands (just kidding). I want to reiterate that this plant can kill you, so leave the danger to Dolly Parton.

Honeysuckle Perfume

Forget about buying an expensive bottle of honeysuckle perfume if you have the plant in the backyard or your neighbor’s backyard. Making the perfume is pretty easy. Simply, snip off a couple of stems with your fingernail scissors and place them in a bowl full of water. Let the bowl sit overnight and then boil down so you have roughly 1 tsp. left. Add 3 drops of glycerine to the mixture and store in your refrigerator next to your Champaign and condiment collection. The perfume lasts three months.

By following Dolly Parton’s tips, it will cost you almost nothing to look cheap. Use these beauty tricks at your own risk. Some beauty secrets should remain secret.

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Hiding the Evidence

Bathrooms quickly turn into interrogation rooms after a night out. Under the bright lights, your bathroom knows only the bad cop routine. Where were you last night? Did you chase a white wine margarita with some overly expensive Mexican beer? Did you eat the toppings off your nachos only to finally eat the tortilla chips when you forgot about your no carb diet? Were you kissing someone with a beard? The answer is yes to everything. Why lie? Your face is the only piece of evidence your bathroom needs to convict you. That huge pimple will send you to the esthetician’s chair if you let it get out of control.

Pimples cannot be reasoned with in any capacity. They are reminders that life without pimples is very short. Burt’s Bees Natural Acne Solution  is your knight in shining armor (don’t wait for a man to save you from yourself).

This spot treatment consists of parsley extracts, tea tree oil, calendula and yarrow. Proven to reduce the blemishes in 48 hours, you can treat weekend backlash before slinking into your office chair on Monday. When applying this spot treatment, do not pour half of the bottle on your face. You will not like how it feels and it will dry out your skin. Apply just a small amount to each blemish. Wait a few minutes before applying the big guns (your foundation) to allow the treatment to sink into the skin and kill the bad bacteria. Slip back on the promise ring you wear to remind yourself to wait out for that perfect carb. Don’t  fall for just any crappy nachos.

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Live Like A Dude

It’s almost unimaginable that you might want to steal your boyfriend’s cosmetic products. However, next to the Irish Spring 4 oz-pack of 20 soaps lies his best beauty secret. RAW COMPLEX VI Hydrating Serum is for men. There is no way of getting around that, but the antioxidants in the product don’t know what gender of skin they protect and heal.

This hydrating serum consists of a skin soothing sangria of seawater, plant derived nutrients and wine. Furthermore, those who tend to wake up with skin that looks like a used fast food napkin (oily) can slather on the serum without worrying about breakouts. The serum will also protect the skin’s cellular structure from free radicals. No, free radicals aren’t a protest group from Berkeley. Free radicals are a group of unbalanced atoms that damage cell membranes. Pollution creates free radicals. Cigarette smoke creates free radicals.  Living creates free radicals! The last statement just means that free radicals are part of the natural aging process. Vive la revolution! Fight free radicals.

It’s important to use the serum after cleansing, but before furiously applying foundation in order to look “naturally beautiful” when he wakes up. Take him up on his offer the next time he suggests sleeping at his place.

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Perricone MD Cleansing Bar=Makes Bad Things Go Away

Sun has been streaming through your windows for hours. Outside, people are standing in long lines to eat whatever is on the brunch menu. You’ve just woken up after turning you cell phone’s snooze off after the tenth time. You stagger over to the mirror in the bathroom. The reflection is not you own. It’s some poorly costumed hobo you might see from a community theatre production. Time to take action.

Cosmetics do more than just look bad in the morning. According to an Allure Magazine article, makeup holds on to pollution. As you dream about that guy from the bar, your cells break down from an assault by free radicals. The result is like pressing fast forward on the aging process. The best thing to do before heading out for a mimosa is to stop this cellular warfare.

Cleansing the skin removes dirt and makes everything feel like you didn’t take that Jager shot. Perricone MD Cleansing Bar cleanses and exfoliates pores without drying out your face. The last thing you need is to dehydrate your skin after a night out with the girls. This cleansing bar is ok to use for all skin types. Furthermore, it softens wrinkles over time. If for some weird reason, you don’t have any wrinkles then you can use the bar as a preventative measure. While Perricone MD Cleansing Bar is more expensive than a drugstore generic cleanser, your skin is worth it because you have to wear it everyday.

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